Frequently the Same Question Over and Over Again
How practice I cope with abiding repetitive questions?
Dear Lesley
I have been asked a question I couldn't reply today by my neighbour who cares for her mother and a lady she cleans for, both of whom accept retentiveness loss.
Her mother repeated the same thing 10 times today and the lady she cleans for asked her the same affair xvi times concluding week inside a matter of a few minutes.
My neighbour is not a qualified carer and admits that she lacks the patience that a full-time carer requires, but she said that she feels that she herself is starting to be very stressed by this constant repetition as she is herself trying to do other things, such as cleaning or focus on making medico'southward appointments for the ladies concerned.
She asked if there is a technique she could use, either to keep herself calm and less stressed or whether there was a distraction method to steer the ladies from their repetitive course of conversation.
Do you have any suggestions?
Lesley says:
Hullo F
Delight tell your neighbour that I really empathize with her. My mother used to band dozens of times during the day with the aforementioned question and unless you lot've experienced this it's hard to understand but how frustrating it can exist.
Much every bit we may know that repetitive questioning is a symptom of dementia and that we "ought" to exist patient, we still get stressed out. If we endeavour and reply the aforementioned question over and over once more, the stress levels shoot up. If we snap or ignore information technology, nosotros feel guilty. It tin go to the point where it feels similar the person is "doing it on purpose" to exist abrasive, even though we know logically that it'due south part of their illness.
I think the kickoff step towards coping is to realise that at that place is no "solution". No thing what we exercise, the person with dementia will repeat themselves. But although we can't stop repetitive questioning, we can try to empathize why information technology happens and find different ways to react. This tin can reduces the corporeality it happens or at to the lowest degree lower the tension so it'south possible to concentrate on other things.
Why the constant questions?
So why do people with dementia ask the same question over and once more, sometimes within minutes?
- Memory loss. The simplest explanation is that they take forgotten that they asked the question. Or they may accept forgotten the respond. Plus, if they have hearing loss, they might not have heard the answer properly.
- Anxiety. Sometimes, what sounds like a request for information is really well-nigh an underlying worry. For case "What day is information technology?" could mean "My son always visits on a Sunday and I think I've forgotten to make lunch".
- Confusion. "Is John back withal" might hateful "Who volition wait afterward me now my late husband isn't hither?"
- Boredom. It may exist that the person with dementia has been on their own or sitting doing nothing for a long time. They then seek attention, in the manner a child does who wants something to do.
- Stress. If the environment is crowded, noisy, decorated, the question "When are we going dwelling house?' might mean "This is besides much for me'".
How to answer
Figuring out what the question ways tin can be a guide to knowing how to handle information technology. With that in mind, hither are some suggested means to deal with repetitive questions. Information technology's hard though because dementia affects everyone differently and it can take a while to work out what's best for any 1 person in a given situation, especially equally the disease progresses.
- If at all possible, keep calm. Avoid shouting, getting cross or saying "I've but told you that". It would take a saint non to do this sometimes only information technology increases the stress for the person beingness asked and the person asking the question, making it more likely that they will keep asking.
- Pre-empt the question, or the worry behind it. For example, if your neighbour knows in that location is anxiety nigh someone who isn't there, she tin proceed saying "I am here, I am looking after you today."
- Modify the subject – simply switch topics. Talk about something that happened during the day. Or indicate out the window and talk well-nigh what's exterior.
- Ignoring the question tin work occasionally. Or your neighbor could attempt physical contact instead – maybe a hug or holding hands and just saying "It's OK".
- Take the person away from stressful, noisy or unfamiliar environments.
- If the questions are well-nigh mean solar day, time, place, try uncomplicated visual aids. A large agenda on the wall or prominent clock that shows the mean solar day, engagement and fourth dimension.
- Effort sticking notes onto objects explaining how things piece of work, reminders of things to do, visitors who are coming that twenty-four hours.
- A simple family tree or photograph album with clear explanations tin provide reassurance and orientation.
- Observe the person asking the question something easy just useful to do. For example, while cleaning, your neighbour could ask for help with dusting.
Sometimes, information technology may exist best just to reply the same question over and over over again. In that instance
- Speak slowly, loudly and clearly. Talk directly to the person.
- Reply very just – just ane thought per answer. At that place's no need to tell "the whole truth and zilch merely the truth".
- Try to avoid answers involving logic or reasoning – they may not be able to empathize this.
Avoiding stress and guilt
One of the hardest things about repetitive questioning is how bad information technology tin can make the listener feel. As your neighbor says, she may exist trying to do other things at the same time. Or it may feel rude or disrespectful not to keep answering.
I think the most important affair hither is to recognise that this is not a "normal" conversation and some of the ways in which your neighbour used to communicate with her mother and her employer no longer employ. She shouldn't worry virtually being overly accurate or honest. If she is talking to her parent, it can be difficult to accept on board the idea that she is now "parenting" them.
- Information technology may help your neighbour to slightly distance herself from the questions, disengage her emotions and merely keep proverb some stock phrases that reassure, whilst having her mind on something else.
- She tin can diffuse the state of affairs past using humour or singing a song.
- If she feels specially stressed, she should leave the room for a while or go for a walk.
- Information technology's important to become some "respite" from existence a carer and not be agape to tell someone trusted about how she's feeling.
- Information technology's good to learn relaxation techniques like meditation, yoga or just deep breathing.
I do hope this helps. In that location are also a few manufactures on When They Get Older that might be useful for your neighbour and others who may struggling with the aforementioned effect.
Tips on making life easier for someone living with dementia
Dealing with stress
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Dr Lesley Trenner is a life coach who specialises in supporting people with 'ageing parent' problems. She has 12 years experience helping individuals and organisations going through modify. For more information visit Lesley's website, send her an email or call 07919 880150.
Source: https://whentheygetolder.co.uk/family/ask-lesley/how-do-i-cope-with-constant-repetitive-questions/
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